Just ordered a second airport beer and now worried about making rent
Just for fun I’m putting these on windshields in parking lots all over the city on Valentines Day…
I just found out that my mechanic doesn’t drive.
“There’s more than one way, to skin a cat.”
Things not to say to a woman, when they ask if you prefer shaved or trimmed.
My wife found out I was cheating when she found the letters I’d been hiding.
She said, she’s never playing Scrabble with me again.
Who does Amazon think I am?
Guy who’s never heard of drugs before: “Take an edible”? Dude, just say you ate some food. Sheesh
This is true.
I want a fast formal restaurant. Food comes out in two minutes, but they won’t serve you unless you’re wearing a suit with tails. I think this could be a little fun while society breaks down
For Sale: Washing machine. Active Wear cycle never used.
Putting lotion on your hands and picking up your coffee cup is pretty damn stupid.
Me: Sorry I don’t talk much.
Date: It’s okay. I don’t listen much.
good morning to everyone except those who can whistle with their fingers.
I can’t imagine the things this hotel air conditioner has seen.