This coffee cake doesn’t seem to be helping my alertness at all
it really cannot be overstated how important it is to be thirty years younger than the guy you’re fighting
woman in my gym locker room has multiple containers of fresh chinese takeout spread out on the bench and is just happily munching away
Me [on the couch]: Well, it was a nice holiday break, but now it’s time to go back to work.
Me: [moves to other end of couch and opens laptop]
One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying things like, “That’s a pretty building.”
I don’t wanna brag, but I remember 2024 like it was yesterday
For anyone that’s still confused here’s a cheat sheet for this week.
Sun
Idk
Wtf
Idk
Idk
Wtf
Sat
wdym don’t shoot the messenger? take responsibility for your career choices
I eat salads because you can’t just drink ranch dressing
Saw an article on “100 things to do before you die.” Was surprised Call 911 didn’t make the list.
The probiotic bottle says there’s a billion good bacteria in every dose. How do we know they’re all good? Out of a billion can we be sure there’s not one mean ass microbe just waiting to escape the capsule and kill someone?
I always thought it was strange that Peter Parker works as a photographer…
Shouldn’t he be working in web design?
Saw a guy reading a book and writing notes in it. Not enough words in there for ya bud ?
“Guy walks into a bar”
*and is eliminated from the limbo contest
Yes that is a knife in my pocket, and no I’m not happy to see you.