Don’t tell me to trust my gut. Thats where I put my snacks. Clearly that’s where I’m the weakest
new dr. seuss book dropping:
Very funny that the new Batman movies are rated PG-13 but the Penguin HBO series isn’t so in context it just looks like everyone is too polite to curse around Batman
“And we shall call it Kansas City”
Cuz it’s in Kansas?
“No it will be located in Missouri.”
What will we call the neighboring city across the river?
“Kansas City, Kansas”
one week till the election
Bro thinks that’s his job 🥹
Wrote a song and it goes a little something like this… Who put maple syrup on the caaaaat?
I’m voting [cheers] for a third party candidate [boos] in a blue state [mixed response] in the chalamet lookalike contest [quizzical looks]
So, slam poetry is not a wrestling move, the more you know
This meme is a joke but also life-changing advice if taken to heart
New librarian said “I haven’t worked much with youth. How do you tell tweens from teens?”
“You know they’re tweens if they gather loudly around the computers and horse around in the restrooms.”
“And the teens?”
“You can tell they’re teens if they’re not here in the library.”
Having your own bed while married is crazy—got my body plopped in the middle—-remote on one side—ipad on the other—bag of snickers over yonder
When you’re tweeting something ridiculous that’s happened in the American election, please clearly mark whether it’s real or a joke.
If they are stale enough you could easily kill two birds with one scone