Best way to stop the April Fools’ “I’m pregnant” jokes is replying with “I thought you put on some weight.”
The little Tabasco bottle waits patiently as you flirt with artisanal overpriced hot sauces, confident that you’ll always come home.
I was in a triathlon once and I even led briefly during the registration portion
The Friday File.
Still haven’t given up on the dream of finding a suitcase full of money on the side of the road.
My kid has been not so subtley asking when April 1st is for the last three days and I am afraid to get out of bed
Told my daughter it’s against the law to play April Fool’s Day pranks on parents so everyone back me up on this
2: Mommy!!
Me: Yes?
2: NOOOOOOOOO!
Me as hostess: tonight we’re having deconstructed tater tots, deconstructed subs, and deconstructed strawberry pie
*takes guests to the grocery store*
I always text a girl 5 minutes after our first date ended and say ~ “I haven’t given up on us.”
Spring is the most depressing season because all the birds are getting laid and I’m not
Blue smoke – Boy
Pink smoke – Girl
White smoke – Pope
“no animal except humans drinks the milk of another animal” cool, no animal except humans has netflix either, what’s your point