Me: Time to carry me to bed, babe.
Him: That was one time.
my doctor: you should snack less, it can really hurt you in the long run
me: *nodding* no more running, got it
Who called it a knock off designer watch and not a Fauxlex
I cannot stop laughing at this
i’ll see your “live laugh love” sign and raise you an “ew, people”
Me googling: why do chickens get to run around with no head but humans don’t?
Google response: Why Am I Single Quiz – Take This Quiz To Find Out
They banned hot dogs at the office ever since i used them as drumsticks on susan’s neck.
Just spent 3 hours doing yard work *
* Looking for my gloves in the shed
I hate when I think someone’s funny, and then they tweet a joke I saw on a baby onesie advertised on instagram. you tricked me
I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware
“There should be a less mean way of saying the F word because some people might forget they can’t say that in school”
– my 6yo, absolutely not talking about herself
i keep accidentally clicking on ritz crackers ads and the internet thinks i am just crazy for ritz crackers and keeps serving me even more ritz crackers ads to accidentally click
parents, bringing their problem child to summer camp
