Terribly Tuesday.
When your chip basket is empty and your server’s busy.
Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and choose more quickly.
Still writing HBO Max on my checks
when mom throws a party…
Dad: You can count cards?! I’m going to be rich!
[Casino]
Me: *Whispering* there are 52 cards
“got milk?” buddy I don’t even have self esteem
My kitchen after I cut an everything bagel in half
i actually have so much empathy for pigeons. we’re all just waking around the city together eating garbage and almost getting hit by cars
waiter my bone broth tastes like a boiled bone
it’s not tv, it’s hbo. but here’s the thing, it’s also not hbo
It’s like 10000 spoons when all you need is a castle surrounded by a mote filled with 7-11 nacho cheese
why count sheep when I can count my troubles