What the hell, Everyman Cinemas? I booked the last available seat for Tetris The Movie and the whole row disappeared.
Sorry, baby. My phone number is older than you.
my therapist challenged me to get out of my comfort zone so i stopped watching tv in the living room and switched to the basement
[person at the grocery store is crowding my personal space]
me: oh hi do you work here can i ask you a question
[person at the grocery store is immediately no longer crowding my personal space]
No wonder King Charles’s visit to France was cancelled amidst violent protests about retirement age legislation. A working 74-year-old royal just sends out the wrong message.
How many games did you play already?😅
#chessmeme
Kind of jealous of how a horse can strap a meal to its face.
I just got arrested for felonious mopery
You’d think being an introvert is less dangerous, but I just ran across 3 lanes of traffic to avoid interacting with a crossing guard.
Me: I’d like to return this
Customer Service: this is the missing mop from the janitor’s room
Me: ya it sucks
*frowns in Scottish*
me irl
The next time kids ding door ditch you you have to run and chase after them and yell WHAT IF IM A CRAZY PERSON!!
Stop saying “so I did a thing”…just say what you did, moron