When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”
I have information that will lead to the arrest of Moo Deng
The algorithm is predicting some tough times ahead for ya boy
When I lived in DC I once overheard a man tell a woman in a bar: “if the 19 people ahead of me all died one day, I’d be the acting Secretary of Agriculture.”
It kinda feels like this rn
i’m actually the nightmare before christmas, don’t talk to me until i’ve had my milk and cookies 😂🤣
You COULD say Twitter is like Group Therapy, however that would imply people are getting better,… and that just doesn’t hold water.
It’s nice that the nations of the world have all agreed that movie tickets should be half price on Tuesdays. Something to build on as we forge a global consciousness
What do you call a laughing motorcycle?
Yamahahahahahahahahaha
they could’ve used a picture of a brain or something lmao
Until my 30s I ate the whole Apple, core and all. When people looked surprised, I told them it was healthy; the ‘whole food’. Then my Mum admitted she’d taught me that so I didn’t leave rotting apple cores in the back seat of the car.
Imagine being a fly on the wall in the closed court where Rupert Murdoch is suing his own children. You’d be the most ethical creature in the room.
Dog’s confession but adopted a full pedigree “failed” Border Collie sheepdog from a farm. Took him to sister-in-law’s place who had a footstool made of real sheep’s wool. Turns out reason he’s a “failed” sheepdog is coz he’s scared of sheep. Apparently even sheep’s wool is scary
