Food FACT: Omelette takeaway restaurants were very popular in biblical times. The most famous of these was called Judas Eggscarryout.
For the last time, asking me if I want cheese is insulting. You could have said instead, much more meaningful things like ”Here. Cheese”
“Forgive me, I’m a terrible flort”
“Don’t you mean flirt?”
*starts florting*
“OMFG. WTF is that?!”
I made the mistake of smelling one of my 6yo’s socks to see if it was dirty. I will now just assume all socks are dirty.
If you want an honest opinion about your hair, FaceTime your mom, and don’t ask her for it.
Save money on your next colon exam, grammar police do it for free
Big shout out to the three people still trying to do jokes.
receptionists will look u straight in the eye and ask if ur available in 5 months and 18 days
I am so desperate for summer I’m actually looking forward to wasps.
A fun thing about toddlers is that they will pretend to eat tacos but as soon as you make them for dinner they’re ‘gistusting.’
6: daddy can u turn up the cold heat
Me: I…I’m not sure what to do
A level of petty I can get with 🤣