One thing they teach in nursing school is when your patient is being questioned by police, to step in with “that’s enough for today, he needs to rest” right after he gives a key piece of information, but one sentence short of him telling the whole story.
Not me, making rice krispy treats at midnight because my teen forgot to tell me she needed them tomorrow.
betcha they beat the robot dinosaurs by transforming into an asteroid.
There are innumerable mental health benefits of spending time in nature, but that doesn’t mean coming into the forest and screaming “fix my life” at the trees.
I need to stay off WebMD. Every time I look something up, I’m like, “Oh look. I’m dead already.”
A lot of people have been asking me why I’ve been wearing this hat so much lately and the answer is much more ridiculous than you’d expect. It doesn’t fit my head when I have hair so I’m getting the most out of it while I can.
Now that people have become accustomed to not knowing whether a person is having a phone conversation or just talking to themselves as they walk down the street I find myself doing a lot more public ranting.
Every classic folk song is just dubstep turned inward
I’ve met a lot of dudes named Will; never have they helped me find the way.
I tried memorizing the names of British currency but after a while, I quid trying.
The first rule of bread making club is you only talk about it on a knead to dough basis.
They say that there’s no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation, and you know what else has no place in the bedrooms of the nation? MALM furniture from IKEA or my cousin Steve.
When I retire I’m going to run from office.
Electric planes are the future, as soon as someone figures out how to make extension cords long enough
I was really excited about my first Roomba fitness class last night. Not what I expected. Kinda sucked tbh.
