9: Don’t break anyone’s heart. But they do have 209 bones.
Me: You make me so proud.
I ate a cliff bar before bed, now I can’t stop dreaming about hiking
You know I’m something of a chef myself
I don’t get angry at my husband when he annoys me. I just drink his favourite Scotch.
I tried meowing back to the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.
people who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day
My doctor said avocados help with depression but so far it’s just sitting there on my counter doing nothing.
My cat swallowed a ball of wool a few months ago and just gave birth to a litter of mittens
can we get some a.i. to pick plastic out of the ocean or do all the robots need to be screenwriters?
if I was a zebra and I carried a wallet in my mouth I’m guessing a lot of people would assume it didn’t belong to me and that sucks
Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band
got so much cardio in today
You are the wind beneath my overly-sensitive, motion-activated floodlight.
“What did you make milk out of today?” [Overheard in the library]
A realistic Godzilla movie would be 2 cats defeating him by tripping him and purring on his legs while he’s trying to walk down a mountain.