Goldilocks is still undefeated when it comes to forced entry Yelp reviews.
I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito, I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch
My son gave me the ultimate Mother’s Day gift: he just brought out all of the cups & dishes from his room & filled the kitchen sink.
I’m so blessed.
Glass caskets: will they become popular?
Remains to be seen.
The only thing worse than your kid bringing home a drawing to hang on the fridge is when another kid gifts your kid a drawing and they want to hang it on the fridge.
Just found out my 6yo has mono and the doctor who diagnosed her asked if anyone in the house has similar symptoms, including excessive fatigue. Um, Sir, based on that alone, I’ve had mono since 2009.
Neighbor’s garden looking so good, I have peonies envy.
My daughter gave me a coupon book for Mother’s Day and told me to pick one, so I chose the clean your room coupon. She immediately began crying because I was supposed to choose the free hug instead.
Sometimes I dream I’m a sherpa. Just sherpa-ing up a large mountain made of cheese.
I yell “COVER ME!” at my family everyday when I go to the mailbox.
I’ve been drinking.
Yo. I spit out my drink 😂
I just had a guy explain maps to me. He handed me a map and said, “This is a map. You use it to locate things.”
I didn’t know what to say so I replied, “These are my shoes. I am going to use them to walk away now.”
Every time I cross the border into Canada they search my car with a fine tooth comb.
Maybe I should take off the “Honk if you love the Taliban” bumper sticker.
