What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu? Bird flu requires tweetment; swine flu requires oinkment.
had my yearly physical and the dr signed me up for flu & covid vaccine and i had to tell her no & explain i am not an antivaxer i just always get my covid shot the night before the phillies have an afternoon playoff game so i can use my vaccine pto to stay home from work to watch
logging onto twitter…
I think I’m gonna be sick
husband [joking]: i know someone going to a military school
15 [not joking]: i know someone going to a nursing home
Trying to fill my partner in on the latest Magic bannings
Apparently, my concussed brain found it totally acceptable to burst out with, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what we have talked about for the last 15 minutes so I’m going to leave. Bye,” on a work call, and then proceeded to hang up the phone.
There’s a couple that met at my wedding 2 years ago, I just found out they got married yesterday & I wasn’t invited…. Ungrateful people
I just heard my husband quietly say to the baby, “you are really cute . . . do you think we’re cute too?”
So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”…. replying with “well I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response
Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.
I got rejected on my very first blind date and I don’t understand why.
My date asked me if I had any pets and I said that I had a goldfish. Any hobbies? I said yes, he likes swimming.
me after i passed that state trooper
