Saw a house on zillow with a built-in wine fridge and it’s no longer for sale, so that will always be the one that got away
Not to say my family is messy but I’ve had two different Roombas escape out the backdoor.
[job interview]
him: do you use drugs or alcohol?
me: no
him: what’s your salary requirement?
me: to be able to afford drugs & alcohol
I was visiting my parents this past weekend and Y’ALL, I had no idea how intense birdwatching can get.
My son was so sweet this morning. He took the garbage and recycling out without being asked, so I really think we’re turning a corner on this grouchy morning teen thing.
In unrelated news, my son asked for $20 right before he left for school.
Me as a lawyer: your honor, stfu cause you wasn’t even there
Lied on my resume and said I could code. Boss asked me to take on a project. I paid a guy in Karachi $80 to do it overnight, then told my boss it would take a month.
We’ve done this four times now.
I toured a defense contractor executive’s home
Murphy does not need a real egg to feel accomplished!!He’s quite content with his rock, and VERY protective of it! After his spring hormones have run their course, he will get bored and move on to other activities. Poor rock.
me after noticing a slight change in someone’s energy towards me
american companies transporting deadly chemicals anywhere
Wow, it’s a shame that I’ve already accepted another job.
Maybe if y’all stopped complaining about Mondays and speaking the negativity into existence, your Mondays wouldn’t be so bad