on week two of rinsing out an empty jar of peanut butter for recycling, almost there
Make fun of my briefcase all you want but I’ve got a whole cake in here.
I want more people to join bluesky before I accidentally follow too many journalists
I don’t remember my password, so I’ll just start my hundredth new account.
-Everyone’s mom
every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know
In Hot Meatloaf’s name we pray 🙏
As a new homeowner, I was excited to learn how to do carpentry, plumbing and electrical work. And now that I’ve destroyed it, does anyone want to buy a house?
Whenever I see a dog in a movie, none of the rest of the movie makes sense.
Why are you dealing with all this conflict and drama?
WHY AREN’T YOU AT HOME WITH YOUR DOG??
Today, I learned the correct way to abbreviate Assistant Manager in a reply-to-all;
And the way I did it.
For the ones in the back.
Whoever invented crustless pot pie clearly didn’t know why people eat pot pie.
89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great what he really means is “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”
i like my men the same way i like my coffee; steadily getting cooler, as i inevitably forget they’re sitting next to me.