I’m sexually attracted to the glass sections of a house.
French windows?
No but I’ve snogged patio doors.
Meme Monday.
That day I took a photo of a ghost builder on their way to work carrying their hard hat.
I love hard, but I stupid harder.
As long as you don’t ever give them your real name they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship
Guys waiting their turn for a haircut are a barbercue.
Got kicked out of the bank for taking too many lollipops.
smh
Hello Mr The Sun. I see you have once again lowered yourself to the exact height below my cars visor. Well played.
More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.
Beginning of year lunch box- here’s a nice sandwich, some yogurt, organic strawberries, some broccoli,milk
End of year- here’s a pop tart, half an Eggo waffle,a half used pack of Juicy Fruit and a can of Mt Dew.
Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave and dishwasher safe
what i say: i love you, be back in two minutes
what my dog hears: goodbye forever
if there’s anything parenthood taught me it’s that weird ppl have kids too & their kids may become friends w/ ur kids culminating in all around awkward small talk at bday functions