Yup
People on the Internet always trigger my restless-fists syndrome.
Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand…”
My 7 year old asked me if he could have a poster of an “artist named Eminem” and I flexed on him by telling him how I saw Eminem live in his hometown of Detroit.
me: it’s an egg dying party!
8yo: why are we celebrating dead eggs?
He hid my gift in the laundry room in hopes that I wouldn’t find it
Me: I’m going to be so productive today!
Apple Screen Time Report: LOL
I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado
Me irl
My neighbours claim to be huge Disney fans but called the cops when I mowed the lawn Winnie the Pooh style
Legal notepads imply that illegal notepads exist
Astronomer: hey look, a meteor shower!
Meteor: *scrubbing pits* a little privacy, perv.
Dad Hack: get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.