notice
My Nephew called me ‘lazy’ when I took him shopping in Morrisons today.
I was so shocked I nearly fell out the trolley.
Any 4 pics of Alan Rickman together looks like an amazing 80’s new wave band you wish existed.
Watching Mad Men with my girlfriend and trying to distract her every time Don Draper is on screen
Tried sneaking downstairs to get a beer but at my age it’s like walking thru a forest covered in dry twigs.
I can’t believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick. Like, seriously, how low can you go?
I JUST CANT LOOK ITS KILLING ME
“u should stop drinking” u should stop talking
me: is there a doctor on this plane?????
doctor: i’m a doctor
me: my mom wants us to meet
secret recipe
he’s doing your taxes
I will always post cat eating corn when I see it
Romantically smoking a postcoital cigar from both ends with your lover like in Lady and The Tramp
DEVIL: And this is the lake of lava that you’ll be spending eternity in.
ME: Actually we’re underground so it would be magma.
DEVIL: This is why you’re here you realise.