Me: Hey boss sorry I’m late but my –
Boss: The chain from your wallet got tangled on your bicycle seat again…
Me: yeah
You can’t make this shit up 😩
(photo not mine, nor is the pooh)
Instead of seizing the day, I’m going to make little “shoo shoo” motions at it.
What if instead of startling someone you could stople them. Just like, do something that makes them instantly really relaxed
I just watched a video about a 9-year-old kid who recently graduated high school and wants to become an astrophysicist. I had to Google “How do you spell astrophysicist?”
My astrological sign is KFC gravy
“Put that down, Alan! I told you those are for company.”
Sure I may be a little nuts, I tell my family, but how boring would our house be if I wasn’t?
Me: Yes, I’d like to schedule an appointment with the doctor
Receptionist: Of course. Do you have insurance?
Me: Yes, I do.
Receptionist: And this doctor is in your network?
Me: I’m not sure.
Receptionist: Ok, this will either be free or 11 million dollars. See you tomorrow!
Become ungovernable.
I hangout with different people each day so I can wear the same clothes for 3 days straight.
Hacker: I have all your passwords
Me: Oh thank god, I have been locked out of my old Dropbox for years.
Raising kids means saving them from drowning, choking and other forms of certain death so one day they can look at you with a straight face and ask, “Why don’t you just let me live my life?!”
Every day can be sparkly if you stick a fork into a socket.
Not to get political, but gravy is a soup.