I’m voting [cheers] for a third party candidate [boos] in a blue state [mixed response] in the chalamet lookalike contest [quizzical looks]
So, slam poetry is not a wrestling move, the more you know
This meme is a joke but also life-changing advice if taken to heart
New librarian said “I haven’t worked much with youth. How do you tell tweens from teens?”
“You know they’re tweens if they gather loudly around the computers and horse around in the restrooms.”
“And the teens?”
“You can tell they’re teens if they’re not here in the library.”
Having your own bed while married is crazy—got my body plopped in the middle—-remote on one side—ipad on the other—bag of snickers over yonder
When you’re tweeting something ridiculous that’s happened in the American election, please clearly mark whether it’s real or a joke.
If they are stale enough you could easily kill two birds with one scone
The surprise organ harvestings will continue until morale improves now back to work
Chaining myself to the bed tonight, not because I’m a werewolf, but because there are bags of unattended Halloween candy all over the house.
Been there, done that.
– Australia when America is getting up on Monday morning
Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.
grandpa was shocked
The therapist said to try deep breathing under water?
I want a ticket to anywhere. #FallonTonight
