🤣dope
I received many personality traits from my mom, but she got her short temper from me.
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
My husband did a load of dishes and folded a load of laundry and then complained that I didn’t even notice and I laughed so hard I almost coughed up a lung.
VITAMIN WATER: we’re like water, but with vitamins
ME: which ones
VITAMIN WATER: well sugar is a vitamin
ME: no it’s not
VITAMIN WATER: what about blue
Prosecutor (showing slide): Is this your Yelp review history?
Me: Yes but
Prosecutor: 26 proctologists?
Me: What you have to understand is
Prosecutor: You described this one as “pleasantly judgmental”
excuse me, are you an Angel that fell from heaven? because my friend Doug died and he owed me $40 and I wondered if you could remind him for me
Why are the moths in this damn desert bigger than birds
product manager: what color should we make the bottle
guy who invented hydrogen peroxide: the brownest brown you can imagine
processed food was literally designed for you to eat. organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere
I used to be a big proponent of super-descriptions of characters in stories–down to the last ribbon of their costume. Nowadays, I think vague details work well for a lot of reasons, such as not having to go back and remember how you described them when you’re writing a new book.
WOMAN: who’s a little silly willy?
SON: mother, please. i am a grown man. it’s silly william now.
I SAID TEXT ME WHEN YOU GET HOME SAFE
found this cool rock hiking today
