Simple
OK. So you’re REALLY good at interfering.
What do you want, a meddle?
Them: what part of your morning routine takes the longest ?
Me: finding the will to get up
I only came because I was told we would be playing Hungry Hungry Hippos.
nobody: …
my dog: yay !! look dad, I’ve found the dried chicken foot I hid in the bedroom.
🤯🤯🤯
*sets the mood with candlelight, flowers and the pepto bismol jingle
I sneezed seven times in a row and my cat is acting all freaked out instead of just asking if I’m ok
Twitter went from everyone pushing each other on mood swings to pushing each other off cliffs really fast.
shoutout to everyone but my kids who both decided to do summer school killing all of my mornings forever
Me: you know, it’s only psychosis if it’s from the psychosuisse region of France. otherwise, it’s just sparkling delusions
Nurse: ma’am, it’s time for your medication
Family: What do you want to do for Mother’s Day?
All Moms: Not have to decide what we are doing for Mother’s Day, for starters.
Pretty pissed at myself for hiding the chocolate too close to the potpourri in my underwear drawer.
Trying to eat the recommended eight cups of chicken burrito bowl a day. I’ve already noticed my sleep is better, less aches and pains etc.
This cat wants you to take your pills
