I have never heard an armadillo before.
I’m like 4% cute and 98% bad at math.
A lot of y’all who said I couldn’t fit this whole starfish in my mouth are real quiet these days.
The French really did the “this is fine” meme.
Been laughing about this for about 5 consecutive minutes
Little kids cough like they are releasing demons into the world
It be like that sometimes 😆
*Forgets to stir pasta for 4 seconds*
The Pasta:
damn he’s good
Y’all: “I’m tryna lose weight, i’m about to eat salad”
The Salad:
Boss: I’m sorry Howard but we are going to have to let you go.
Howard: What? Why? Oh, is this because I was late? I called you and told that I got a flat tire on the way to work, I even texted you a picture.
Boss: No Howard, it’s because you stabbed Kevin in the parking lot.
I wish I loved anything as much as fitbit loves not giving me credit for all the steps I walked whilst looking for my lost fitbit.