i broke into my neighbors house and put one (1) pringle in their bag of lays potato chips
it should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. like no i shut it off and back on again why are you still here
I took the first step towards cleaning out my closet today. I went in there and looked it over good.
You know what they never show in superhero movies or comics? How do flying heroes know where they are? You’re too high up to see landmarks or street signs. I’m pretty sure I’d have to fly with my phone out the whole time.
Ah. I see you moved your horsey piece to that other square. Intriguing gambit.
She might be a genius
When I face a minor setback
You know you’re a writer when you have file names like “final_draft_V15_updated_edited_this_sucks_going_to_rewrite_this_garbage_i_need_a_drink.doc”
I don’t want Happy Hour at a bar.
I want Angry Hour at the grocery store when I get discounts on groceries they rearranged since the last time I went there and shopped.
😭😭
at my child’s request I’ve been sending carrots to school for the rabbit. Today I asked to stop by the classroom where the rabbit is and discovered that the rabbit is a puppet
“LOOK JUST GIVE US THE BREAD, BARBARA, WE DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU”
