“I MUST tell you,” said a lady with breathless excitement, stopping us suddenly as we walked down Bermondsey Street last night, “I MUST tell you that you are wearing the same clothes as that building.” and skipped off
People call me a “Trekkie” but I’m not, I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times
Customer: I’d like to buy some chicken soup with matzah balls
Me: Sorry, we only take cash or credit
Manager: Can I talk to you
Expecting your first baby’s exciting but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?
was reading about defunct airlines again and i can’t believe they named it this
wow, another wooden ball. would it kill avocado makers to put a different toy in there.
[first day as a scientist]
*accidentally finishes science*
We need more people like this.
Genuinely no idea what to expect here.
Gollum is like, “actually this is my emotional support precious.”
seems fine
There was a time I thought Radiohead was saying “I’m a creep, I’m a widow” and one day I heard someone sing the right word and well, only a freakin’ weirdo would think widow makes sense there, right.
If you wake me with a text at 5am, I will answer you because I’m helpful but the answer will be that night at 2am because I’m also vengeful.
I need to stop saying “oppa gagnam style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation