Who called it a clip-on hair extension and not a phoney-tail
Do as I scooby say, not as I scooby doo.
*me to my dog.
Car commercials are always showing the cars driving like it’s supposed to impress me but I already know they can do that
*puts my hair in a ponytail
IG influencer: here’s why we don’t do that.
The Proclaimers: And I would walk 500 miles
Me: (realizing there’s no way I’m putting this much work into a relationship) You should pick them
Cleaned out my closet and found Narnia. I should check on these folks more often, their political and social infrastructure is in shambles
Remembering the most devastating your mum joke ever written
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A short story about romance.
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A Short Story.
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My parents bought us candy cigarettes for my 11th birthday party. The store was out of candy syringes.
Ever realize the only thing stopping you from a life of crime is a good night’s sleep? Anyway, I slept well.
Being unable to recreate this high is why we all have depression.
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*romantically sprinkles a rose pedal path to the dirty dishes
Easing back into Twitter is like slipping on your own shit
Horrifying, yet familiar