[petting a cat]
Owner: He’s my little fur baby
Me: Oh ok, so you must be his skin mommy
My toddler threw a tantrum because I corrected him when he said he wanted to “Be Halloween for Mickey Mouse”.
I am now standing in the corner thinking about my actions.
OK so maybe I didn’t respond to your text physically but I definitely did mentally it’s not my fault you couldn’t read my mind
is he marrying that labradoodle
Watching a movie about a lonely girl who ends up becoming prom queen! Really makes me believe that anything can come true 🥹 can’t wait to see how it all ends!!!
4 yo: “Miss Katie, when you were a baby did your parents die and leave you alone?”
My friend: “Sorry, they watched Annie yesterday.”
“Mom how do you say ‘thank you’ in Asian?”
-my friend’s kid, so loudly, at a sushi restaurant in Frankfurt
😭😭
me at the assigned security training after clicking another fake phishing email
If you removed the wing from an Airbus A380 and put in next to Nelson’s Column, you’d cause havoc in central London, render a $445 million aircraft useless and spend considerable time in prison.
Taking a little nap while I wait for the driver in front of me to realize the light has turned green
introverts be like “i know a place” then they go home
My boss thought these were “little pumpkin somethings” and bit into one.
This wording makes this visa sound a lot more exciting than it is
