I did my spring cleaning, I now only have 14 contacts in my phone lol
My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up and more to warn the rest of us.
“I Spy” is the easiest game to win at cause you can just keep being like “nope that’s not it”
airline: you need to pay to check luggage.
passenger: ok i’ll carry it on then.
airline: wow so weird we’re low on overhead space now.
Now that the coronation is over, perhaps King Charles will respond to my proposal for a noble quest.
With 8 coupons I watched my grocery bill go from $301.57 to $299.37. Man, what a rush.
Current situation: laying in bed trying to manifest breakfast
so this horse walks into a bar
My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.
why doesn’t every store have a lost spouse aisle??
Heading out crocodile.
See you another time alligator.
My baby never smiles bigger than when she find my phone left unlocked.
Kids: [inside playing on their phones]
Me: OMG it’s beautiful today, go outside.
[3 minutes later]
Kids: [outside playing on their phones]
No matter the event, in the Midwest they bring you a casserole. Divorced- casserole. Grandpa died- casserole. You married your first cousin- casserole
There’s no occasion where cheese and canned cream of soup can’t bring everyone together