Remember the days we could get out of bed without looking like a newborn pony trying to walk?
Good times.
A student today met with me virtually in her pajamas with a blanket and a hippopotamus crocheted hat on. I was so jealous.
My doctor told me I’ve been using Q-tips incorrectly. At least I think that’s what she told me. I couldn’t really hear her that well.
Feeling a little guilty about looking for a new laptop on my laptop.
It’s pretty and I’m a Taurus so naturally, I can’t help myself.
My friends wanted to do an escape room, but I was worried it might eat up a lot of time, so, in order to encourage creativity, I ate a lot of beans, cabbage, and cheap beer for the two days beforehand.
We set a new record.
Went to work without a drop of makeup on… walked by a mirror and said good morning thinking that was someone else.
something magical should happen if you eat enough saltwater taffy. maybe a mermaid drags you into the ocean
My dog just kicked open my bedroom door like I owe her rent.
You don’t need to buy an expensive exercise machine. Just do what I did and get a bean bag chair.
My dog went to the vet for a check up. they said they needed to get a pic for her profile.
I log into the portal to get results and THIS is what came up 😂
Serious talk at the office of replacing me with an air-fryer.
Hey lady I’m no dummy…those are letters not numbers.
-first day of algebra class
When my youngest was 3, he wrote “dad” on the coffee table in Sharpie.
When I asked him who did that, he glanced at me, studied the coffee table, looked me right in the eye and said, “It looks like dad did it.”
I continue to blame my ex-husband for this at least once a year.
Uses power washer to clean food stained Tupperware.