sometimes all it takes is a little subtle messaging to improve your pet鈥檚 behavior
Meow
Mom: I’ve got a new boyfriend.
Me: Really?
Mom: Yes. We’re getting married in 3 days.
Me: What?!
Mom: He’s an alcoholic.
Me: I don’t think…
Mom: He likes raising blue chickens.
Me: …I can’t tell if you’re having a stroke or playing Stardew Valley.
I will never forget the LA based company that wanted me to drug test for a social media management position. Like do you guys even know what makes the internet good
While assembling new desks at my kids’ school this afternoon another dad gave me unsolicited instructions on how to use an allen wrench. I’m not sure if I should be insulted that he thinks I’m an idiot or flattered that he thinks I can afford real furniture.
me: [taking the last bite of a big meal] now I’m ready for a long nap
executioner: coming right up
About to go assert my dominance over the other dads in my neighborhood by washing, waxing and detailing my car, the war has begun
Tell me you get it…馃ぃ
#Caturday
So I’m enjoying the cinematography and outfits but the script could do with a few more jokes.
#Coronation
King Charles should make Sir Elton and Sir Paul joust.
Thinking about having bacon and bacon for dinner.
I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.
Although we鈥檝e been together for 30+ years, my wife discovered only yesterday that I actually do quite a passable Charles impersonation.
It鈥檚 completely revolutionised our lovemaking, I tell you.