Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job
I’m going on a shiny hair journey. It doesn’t seem as if my hair is going with me, but I’m going.
Here lies a mother, her struggle was valiant but in the end the laundry pile was too big and she couldn’t claw her way out
My teen son told me that he plans on talking like Chewbacca if a teacher calls on him today, so I guess I better start practicing my Wookiee for that parent teacher phone call later today.
Of course being a child is terrible .. They don’t give you any money and then make you watch commercials the whole time
What, this is my emotional support rabid wolf
[cat and dog meet for negotiations]
Mediator: We’re just beginning this process, so right now everything is on the table.
Cat: *smiles*
Dog: Oh no.
The perfect introvert’s party cake doesn’t exis…
If you add me to a group chat for your MLM without asking, don’t complain when I flood it with photos of Sasquatch and Mothman you didn’t ask for, Brenda.
sigh
I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me
8-year-old me: [scrunches face to make it all warped and wrinkly]
Mom: Stop, or your face will stay like that.
[many decades later]
Me: Oh no.
Hurricane. It’s fine.
Broken foot. Still fine.
Anemic, arthritic, slow walking dog who refuses to go in the backyard so must be walked through nature’s hissy fit. Totally fine.
Coffee maker not working. EXTREMELY NOT FINE.