a gay boyfriend is kinda like a brother you have sex with
💀 😭
i wonder if hootie ever experimented with other kinds of fish
banana peels are my favorite fall accessories
What are some weird things about living in the modern world?
I’m a regular customer of a restaurant that I’ve never been to.
Door dash is the closest thing I’ll ever experience to being actual royalty like bring me a dozen freshly made donuts and a bottle of your finest bourbon!
But your majesty, it’s 9:30 at night and…
I said be quick about it!
menswear guy has entire hockey teams begging him for mercy
The worlds greatest neurosurgeon and Dr Derek Shepherd.
Husband: why do most guys have a foot fetish?
Me: because their first girlfriend was a sock
Making my boyfriend stop everything he’s doing to look at a picture of a really big lemon i saw in 2019. and then he has to go “that’s such a big lemon” or else I will act weird for 7 hours
we went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish
Went to cancel a streaming service that was $10.99 a month and they were like “Lol ok you got us how about $2.99?”
Going to spend tomorrow cancelthreatening every service in my life.
