Husband: why do most guys have a foot fetish?
Me: because their first girlfriend was a sock
Making my boyfriend stop everything he’s doing to look at a picture of a really big lemon i saw in 2019. and then he has to go “that’s such a big lemon” or else I will act weird for 7 hours
we went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish
Went to cancel a streaming service that was $10.99 a month and they were like “Lol ok you got us how about $2.99?”
Going to spend tomorrow cancelthreatening every service in my life.
Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles
God: you literally just have to empty the dishwasher
Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy:
Go shopping at Target and leave them at home with their dad.
it’s so awesome that once a month i’m like “I HAVE to die. this feeling is 100% real and caused by the circumstances of my life” and then the next day I get my period
This rain has ruined my weekend plans. I shouldn’t have left them in the garden.
Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting
I had 2 critical meetings on Tuesday. I was SO worried & nervous about them but it went okay. I was composed. I was fierce. I was prepared. And I was wearing my shirt backward the entire time. (I only realized after I got home.)
What weighs 20kgs and has eaten 2kgs of freshly roasted smoked gammon?
