When I’m feeling dangerous I like to play food poisoning roulette with the corner fast food sushi spot.
Y’all!! I’m dying I ordered delivery to my hotel and here they have a robot that takes it up to you. The robot got here and then REFUSED to give me my food and instead just said “going home now” and drove off. Haha the future is WILD y’all
I like how people say “manage your depression” like it’s a stock portfolio but you’re heavily invested in sadness
Alanis Morissette should write a chemistry book titled Isn’t It Ionic?
It feels like Duolingo is giving me writing prompts for a very specific story
umbrellas are great if you only wanna get wet sideways.
When you’re married, it’s important for you both to work on keeping the magic alive and chained up in the basement where it can’t escape.
Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life” and it’s just they were told to unload the dishwasher.
Once a lap dog, always a lap dog
The floor after my kids eat one granola bar
Nice echo chamber you got there. Be a shame if someone were to….DISAGREE WITH YOU.
Never considered this before, but I might be a “local woman”
My baby’s daycare teacher said tomorrow is pajama day which is awkward because I send him wearing pajamas every day