Person: I really DO want your honest advice
Me: NO you don’t
P: I DO
Me: I’m your friend. What I think doesn’t matter. He’s your husband. Sit down like 2 grown ass adults & have a conversation. Tell HIM not me & y’all work it out
P: *pause* Um, what’s your less honest advice?
Spotted in the wild
When I take a minute to focus on my own life.
Ripped a tag off my leggings and did not realize it was load-bearing
Call me old-fashioned, but I thought we’d pretty much sorted the design of the cup.
If aliens came to earth and we explained all our technology to them I think they would get really hung up on helicopters. They would be sending videos of helicopters to their friends on Venus or whatever like “they get into these fr. I’m not kidding”
Why is every bar trivia host hell bent on asking questions that I can’t the answer? Like I literally know the answers to sooo many questions and I could prove it if only they gave me a goddamn chance
Chiropractor says just a few more visits and he can pay off his jet ski.
Cashier: “Have a great day!”
Me: “No thank you.”
Calling them “tricks” undermines everything I’m trying to do with the yo-yo.
I’m not “passive aggressive”… would a passive aggressive person buy you these lovely wind chimes?
No one told me my biggest parenting challenge would be to not eat the cake I left in the fridge for the kids, but here we are.
