Me as a kid: I can’t wait until I’m an adult and have money to spend on anything I want!
Me as an adult: Reads dozens of online reviews and does an exhaustive cost/benefit analysis before buying a $15 dish drainer.
I called my 2yo handsome today and he proceeded to stare at his hands for the next 5 minutes.
But it’s not the “worst way” either…
There are two kinds of people, those who put water in the shampoo bottle to get the last bit, and billionaires
When meeting someone new, there should be a grace period after which they tell us their names again
everyone calls you Cass and just assumes it’s short for Cassandra, but really your name is Casserole
Probably my best painting.
one time I was in the hospital elevator with a resident and then the elevator got stuck and I was like “omg we are going to die” and she was like “omg YES I needed this today” and sat down and started eating a granola bar
weighted blankets are not enough. hit me with a shovel
tattoos should make you more employable because they show you can sit in place for hours while tiny needles are jammed into your skin and that’s what every corporate meeting I’ve ever been in has felt like
You: Alexa, should I worry about being spied on by balloons?
Alexa: Yes, it’s definitely the balloons.
Spam popsicles.
*follow for more recipes
I’m not saying my wife orders a lot from Amazon but one of their drivers sent us a wedding invitation.
Getting caught doing nothing is NOT an option