No one told me my biggest parenting challenge would be to not eat the cake I left in the fridge for the kids, but here we are.
every man in east london
them: if you could, what three words would you tell your younger self?
me: marry a chiropractor
they should make a thing that holds your tweet that you typed up for 27 minutes and then sends it to you and you have to affirm you actually want to post that thing you typed up 27 mins ago
This is what happened. I hit the scorpion emoji by accident which made it go into my frequent emojis & it was very hectic & I wasn’t paying attention & most of my texts to people yesterday ended with a scorpion by mistake instead of a heart. Anyway. Sorry about all the scorpions
To whoever stole my over sized clock, you owe me big time.
I’m nearly qualified to be a weaver. My final exam is looming.
Dentist: How often do you floss?
Me: I was raised in a working-class family…
Me: Want to go to your classmate’s birthday party?
7yo: Yes, I love him! He’s my favorite! We’re best friends!
Me: What does he like so we can get him a present?
7yo: I don’t know.
have we given a name to earth’s mini moon? may i suggest moon deng
jacob when he finds out that his love interest is bella’s literal baby
AWWWW 😍
This is way better than “Live, Laugh, Love.”
