Real quick before I run out and get a gym membership. Anyone like me fluffy before I go to all this trouble?
The Birdles
The actors are getting so old in the Fast and Furious franchise, the next movie will be them stuck in a grocery store parking lot
A high school student just asked if Titanic was based on a true story. Happy Friday.
Stop = Hammer time
Full stop = Grammar time
banking website: thank you for your transfer as a reminder the total you can move between accounts in any one given business day is $1,000,000
me, sitting on a milk crate in a studio apt i share with two other guys: ok
that’s exactly what a van without puppies would say
People take air traffic control so seriously. Just have fun with it
Essential viewing in these troubled times.
Suck it losers, I just bought an autographed picture of Jesus for two grand.
I’m so proud of two weeks ago me for anticipating I would want a ripe avocado today
ME: Tell me my future.
PALM READER: I see you going to prison for murder.
ME: Hah! Shows what you know! This isn’t even MY palm!
scared to check what name she chose