What’s dopamine is dopayours.
Forgot to get McDonald’s after my son’s dr appt to take back to school with him and now CPS just kicked down my door
multitasking lunch
the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope
Gorilla vs. cold water 😂
when there are deer in the woods
I’ve never been an actor before, but every Saturday I go to Costco and act interested about the food they’re selling so I can eat free samples for lunch.
“I trust him as far as I can throw him.”
Oh and we’re supposed to trust you, the guy who THROWS people?
*first and last day as a therapist *
patient: I have anxiety that there’s an intruder in my room
me: you’re not alone
patient: aaaahhhhhhh
I bet the other causes of death are jealous of the number one cause
I had to stop food journaling when the potato numbers started rolling in.
Number of times I’ve cooked Mac and cheese: 1000
Number of times I’ve thrown the box and then picked it up from trash to read the instructions: 1024
If pulled pork is pulled apart, can we call sausages “pushed pork?”
this is funnier than any friends episode
Great acting.. 😂