I’m still upset that my parents didn’t support my dream of becoming an assassin.
What if babies cry on airplanes because they are expecting to get eaten. “Here comes the airplane,” indeed
I really relate to the people in commercials who “didn’t know that.”
please sir. my succotash. it’s suffering.
Looking at his shirt, it’s hardly a surprise.
He’ll be directing planes to the gate in no time.
#PayInHay
#Kerching
just pretend nothing happened
My daughter showed me a shirt at Target and I asked where the rest of it was; my transformation into my father is complete
Jack just tried to run down the bus, but sadly the bus was faster.
#WasSoAmusing Some of it. That’s why…for some this works…others need it “perfect”.
They should invent clothes that get fat with you
my bf is so against gender roles that he won’t let me do his laundry. like, he even writes not to do it on the tags. 🙄😅 so babe, if you’re reading this, I know you said Do Not Machine Wash, Dry Clean Only, but I wanted to surprise you! your suit is in the dryer as we speak 🥰💕
Me: Ugh! These jeans are too tight!
*opens bag of chips*
Me: haha should I get out and push
Everyone on The Submarine: YES