Eight months since I had laser eye surgery. Still no lasers.
I think it’s really important to always support your children even though they might say troubling things like they “don’t like chocolate pudding”
[text]
me: miss you, love you, wish you were hereDomino’s : we said 30 min or less
“I now pronounce you lunch and dinner.”
Me, passing on the wisdom of my ancestors to my kids: It’s “righty tighty, lefty loosey.”
I yell at my kids to hurry up and then spend 10 minutes searching for a sweatshirt that I’m holding.
“I may not be a “pilot” or know anything about “flying”, but here’s how I’d land this baby…”
– what teachers hear when parents tell them how to run their classrooms
Me: Please be still
3: Okay
Me: Please be still
3: Okay
Me: Please. Be. Still.
3: What is still?
I took my toddler on a 2 mile hike so confident it would tire him out, we finally made it back to our car and he asked if we could go one more time.
Scar from the Lion King who is your mechanic and just fixed your car horn: beep repaired!
Do you ever get road rage while walking behind someone moving slow at the grocery store?
We have haunted loft which is problem attic.
I’m drawn toward women who are beautiful when they are angry because once we start dating that’s how they’ll look 90% of the time
Your wife is beautiful, is she single?