Me watching someone get cooked by the timeline for an opinion i agree with
Them: Here’s a vague event invitation.
Me: I’m gonna need more info to work out if it’s accessible – food options, how many people going, is it indoors, COVID precautions…
Them: No worries if you can’t make it. [No further info provided].
Me: Thanks. I guess 🫠.
I still have made very little progress towards my life goal of being sawed in half by a magician
Іf you can’t afford therapy try garlic bread.
I never met a cheese I didn’t like.
We DNA tested our dog and it turns out he killed a guy in Toledo in ‘79
Baby rabbits🐰 look like wise old Kung Fu masters.
Good news
When I laugh on my period
Me at 15: who wouldn’t want immortality, I want to live forever!
Me at 35: oh
I ain’t never seen a alligator so happy to be getting a toothbrush bath 😭
If you come across a bear, never push a slower friend down…even if you feel the friendship has run its course.
I told y’all leave these retail workers alone with the TikTok pranks 😭