Friendly reminder people are still stupid no matter who they vote for
Cop: “Do you know how fast you were going?”
Me: “Officer, I’m focused on the future.”
Once on Rosh Hashanah when I was 14 or 15, I took a red potato & cut it perfectly to look like an apple slice, dipped it in honey & then gave it to my little sister. She has still not forgiven me or forgotten.
plotting how to eat every deviled egg on thanksgiving without anybody noticing
“What are you going to wear today?”
Sunscreen and the weight of everyone else’s expectations.
A decision was made here.
The word Ohio looks like a tractor
Hey everyone, power is back after a week of Groundhog Day! I am so happy I don’t know whether to shit or go blind. I don’t have a clue what that means but Grandma used to say it!
Me at 7pm:
lol what’s this, a reality show about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, I bet that’s so dumbMe at 11pm:
IF KAYLEIGH-ANNE TIGHTENS UP THOSE JUMP-SPLITS SHE’S A SHOO-IN FOR 3RD GROUP LEADER
I just lived without power for 6 straight days. Hurricane Helene tricked me into camping for a week and I am not amused.
Person: I really DO want your honest advice
Me: NO you don’t
P: I DO
Me: I’m your friend. What I think doesn’t matter. He’s your husband. Sit down like 2 grown ass adults & have a conversation. Tell HIM not me & y’all work it out
P: *pause* Um, what’s your less honest advice?
Spotted in the wild
