Him: I don’t think we should drink while we do yard work anymore
Me: *powerwashing the lawn* why not
Why am I like this?
Sell your car
Me: *entering my 30th year of employment* I wonder what I’m going to be when I grow up
BREAKING
Scientists warn that Earth could run out of conspiracy theories by 2025 if they keep coming true at the current rate
torturing my cousin whos trying to get me a birthday gift
Parents. Top tip for getting to school on time. Go without them.
it’s so funny that the veggie used to make veggie chips is just a potato
they are potato chips
When you forget you’re at the restaurant.
landlords thinking they deserve a tip is actually crazy
therapist: describe this picture
me: that’s my father yelling at me
therapist: and this one
me: you having sex with my wife
therapist: and this one
me: aren’t these normally ink blots