I want rich people’s problems like government denying the permission of landing my chopper on my mansion.
People on tiktok r like “I bought the viral mascara so you don’t have to” and im like when did I have to……
have unfortunately discovered you can ask gpt4 to write you a rupi kaur poem and it does a really good job
I’ve never “hopped on a call.” I’ve trudged begrudgingly towards my webcam like a prisoner walking the plank
Why don’t they just call pot head janitors ‘ High maintenance ‘ ?
me: i hate my job
gf: why don’t you try living off the land
me: like in the sky?
gf: what
me: you’re right, i’ve been shackled by earthly bonds far too long
Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Except for me.
I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.
“Bob is coming over for dinner tonight.”
Bob from work or Bob that ended the dinosaurs?
*the sky turns red and warm*
They’re creepy, but cult leaders get shit done.
GalileoGalileo, Galileo Galileo, Galileo Figaro
Using “whom” incorrectly at a party I wasn’t invited to
dating apps aren’t working so it’s time to look confused in a trader joe’s
I am the physical and mortal manifestation of this sacred image
Whatchu want me to petit four? Pet it your own gotdamn self.