me: omg I cannot WAIT for summer
also me: omg I’m soooo hot I am DYING
There are so many of you I would love to hug and like two that I’m afraid they’d make me into a lampshade
That soy sauce packet is just living rent free in your drawers
I’m telling you, my cat mimics my every move. And that wouldn’t be a problem if she wasn’t constantly trying to steal my fake eye lashes
absolute chaos
Therapist: My job is to know you better than you know yourself, Libby
Me: It’s Abby
Therapist: That’s what you think
If Jennifer Love Hewitt so much, maybe she should marry her!
I’ve got chills. They’re doing advanced calculus and quadratic equations.
If there’s a fine line between being too quiet and saying way too much, i’ve never found it
me: whatcha guys watching?
10: oh this old timey dinosaur movie
The Land before time. They were watching… The land before time…
[first day as a botany professor]
me: who can tell me why plants release pollen in the spring?
student: to reproduce?
me: wrong. it’s to torture me specifically
she’s already got guys telling her she’s beautiful. be different. send her a cheese board.
Do you know where mansplainers get their water from?
Well, actually…
Sorry I’m late. I saw a man licking the pudding off the lid wrapper and lost track of my entire life
My sister and I are sat having KFC when she says she misses the lemon flavour packets they used to give out and I was like ??? they were lemon wipes for your hands?? and her face dropped.
Turns out she used to squeeze the lemon wipes onto her chicken 😭😂😭😂