Interviewer: “Is this glass half empty or half full?”
Guy: “It’s completely full.”
Interviewer: “You’re hired. Welcome to Lay’s.”
having children is great because just when you’re on the brink of insanity from overstimulation one of them will launch into an hour long educational session on pokemon
A week into my bathroom reno has taught me that anyone that willingly buys fixer-uppers is a sociopath
It was supposed to rain this morning and didn’t, which is rude to the sweatpants sofa plans I made.
Ever wonder what it’s like to work with the public?
We have completed this week’s homework and can sum the whole experience up by saying that I’d have preferred to have done a week’s worth of washing instead. Twice.
When the lady at the hardware store pointed down and told me my caulk was hanging out, I nearly had a heart attack!
You know your kid is Canadian when she’s watching football and asks why no one is skating
Pot warmers of the day.
I’m not drunk, I was driving erratically because I had to rescue the cheese that was melting off my Egg McMuffin
my grandma has declared she is “93 and over it” and no one has the heart to tell her she is actually 102
How your email finds me
Idk if anyone else has experienced this but I don’t like when things negatively affect me
remember when the fbi would threaten you at the beginning of every vhs tape, that was pretty cool