*For those who believe everything they see on social media, kindly watch this.*(👆)
Unmuting myself to say “thank you!”after a 1.5 hour meeting I didn’t contribute anything to
No one ever hated their job on a Friday!
The Eighth Law of Libraries: the likelihood of an item being on the shelf where it belongs is inversely proportional to the physical distance the patron traveled to come get it without calling ahead first.
If anyone wants to know how WWIII will actually start…. 🤣
I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me “I could marry you”. I couldn’t believe it. You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.
Made it to that level of parenting a teenager where you hand over thousands of dollars to an orthodontist and then a year later she has crooked teeth because “bruh, the dog ate the retainer like a long time ago.”
I told my 5yo we weren’t going to read an extra story at bedtime so in protest he took his pillow and a blanket and went to sleep in my laundry basket filled with clothes. I wish I was making this up.
If you wanna get on a diet replace the light in your fridge with an air horn .!!
🤣
Facebook is entirely there to remind you why you left.
[Waffle House interview]
Manager:“How good are you at avoiding flying chairs?”
Her:“I’m basically a Jedi.”
Manager:“When can you start?”
I’m giving up being poor for Lent so send me your credit card details
At this month’s meeting of The Corporate Billionaires of America club, we will be discussing cutting-edge ideas such as, “should we be charging an extra fee to slice the pizza.”
i hope that everyone who forgot to wish me a happy national boston terrier day yesterday spends eternity burning in hell