There was a slight misunderstanding, and my kids are out in the yard looking for rabbits, but whatever keeps them busy
The part I hate about this new cereal is unwrapping all the foil eggs.
It was 80s day at my 8yo’s school so I told him to walk to school and be home before dark.
Netflix and scream at our children?!
The part in Forrest Gump where the rich guy decides to quit running and leave his followers out in the desert reminds me a lot of politics
Inflation is definitely out of hand when hot cross buns are £1.25 for 4 when they used to be 1 a penny, 2 a penny.
The neighbor has a sign next to the sidewalk under his tree reading, “Caution, this tree has a history of dropping branches.” A “history”? Does this tree have a rap sheet? Is he a bad influence on my trees?
A dog that talks pfft, I’ll be impressed when I see one picks up his own poop.
PSA: if visiting family this holiday weekend, only bring up political topics that will outrage all family members for the same reason(s)
April is Stress Awareness Month, as if I’m not aware of my stress the other eleven months out of the year.
[first date]
Me looking confused: “well you had cartoon bunny ears in your profile picture!”
Weather app: The dew point is 20.
Me, being lazy: The do point is 0.
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After last night’s egg dyeing fiasco, and all the egg hiding and sugared up kids ranging from 9 to 2, I’m gonna need a little coffee in my whisky to get through the rest of the day.
I accidentally asked for a “large” coffee at Starbucks and some kid standing behind me swallowed his vape pen.