At times like this, I ask myself “what would Jesus do?” and then I hide in a cave for three days
My friends went out for Vietnamese without me and now I have Phomo.
oh u like me? name 5 meds i take
hot girls be like I know a place and it’s this
Bananas evolved to become a deadly slipping hazard for their greatest predator, the human
it’s weird that a librarian and a book-keeper are different things
Not now mom I’m downloading a new virus from Limewire
The donkey kong soundtrack stays on during sex
My uncle used to bet me a root beer that I couldn’t sit quietly in the car in the casino parking lot. I ALWAYS won lmao
If dolphins are so smart why do they still live in the water
*extreme announcer voice* Next up on Jesus The Real Truth: Was it crucifact or crucifiction
Watch what you do in front of people. You never know when there might be a documentary being filmed about you and someone says, “He was dipping pieces of rotisserie chicken in tartar sauce and it made my skin crawl.”
hot take but IMO the internet was better when it was just dorks and social outcasts. after they let hot people on here everyone got all weird
Imagine if batteries screamed in agony when they started to die
ME: we need to focus. we’re so close to getting fired.
MY BRAIN:
